Tag: Habits

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Five Boosts To Get Back on Track

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Five Boosts To Get Back on Track
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 2/16/21

Today’s boosts are about getting back on track.

There was no Five Boosts last week. Monday night, my van was totaled by a hit-and-run driver. (I’m fine) I spent the rest of the week getting a rental car, cleaning out the wreckage, and working on a replacement, while launching my Excel business, and caring for the foster dogs that took over my life. Plus I got sick for a bit. (Not COVID, and I’m better now).

The good news is we’ve placed two of the dogs, and the one remaining is much less of a time burden.

Enough about me. On to the Boosts.

Reward Good Behavior Instead of Criticizing Bad Behavior

(Self-Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks | 1000 words)

If you want someone to improve or change, reward and encourage the desired behavior. Don’t punish or criticize bad behavior. Punishment just makes someone unhappy and gets them to dislike you. This is true for animals, employees, family, and yourself.

If you punish yourself for flaws or mistakes, it builds depression, anxiety, and self-hatred. To improve, instead celebrate your achievements and growth.

How to Motivate Yourself When Things Are Not Going Exactly The Way You Want

(Charles Vallena | The Inspiring Journal | 1000 words)

When things don’t go right, it’s easy to lose motivation. Which makes things go worse.

To keep your motivation:

  • Pause to gain more insight.
  • Process and analyze your emotions and thoughts.
  • Take a break.
  • Focus on what you can do.
  • Find motivation from your accomplishments.

Give Yourself Credit: The Essential Habit Behind Self-Esteem

(Steven Handel | The Emotion Machine | 675 words)

People obsess over their flaws, but ignore their accomplishments. 

To fight this, give yourself points for achievements – even minor ones.

Be an easy grader, giving yourself credit for minor things like brushing your teeth or gratitude.

Related: Optimism and Pessimism are Self-Fulfilling

Creative Burnout: When the Creativity Tap Runs Dry

(Anne-Laure Le Cunff | Ness Labs | 1800 words)

Creatives sometimes burnout. Recognize the signs, and how to overcome it.

Get support. Take a break. Do some self-reflection. Look at your past work for inspiration. Do the smallest piece of creative work to build momentum. And be kind to yourself.

Even better, avoid burnout by building the right habits, taking breaks, and skipping anxiety-inducing information sources.

Related: Disembarking From the Failboat

5 Critical Mistakes to Avoid When Goal-Setting

(Anouare Abdou | The Ladders | 850 words)

You will likely fail to achieve your goals if you make these mistakes:

  • No timeline.
  • No accountability.
  • Not being well-rounded.
  • Being too conceptual.
  • Trying to do too much.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Excel: Beginner to Rockstar

As I mentioned in the intro, I’m launching a new business.

Before switching to Self-Improvement and Weight Loss, I spent 20 years in Accounting and Finance for start-ups, rising to the level of CFO. Now I’m putting my expertise to use teaching Excel.

Could winning at Excel win your next job?

Or save you hundreds of hours as an entrepreneur?

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to increase your Excel skills 100% or more in four weeks. You’ll be able to get twice as much done in half the time, amaze your boss and potential employers, and enjoy unparalleled job security.

Rockstar Excel Presents

Excel: Beginner to Rockstar Course

Starting March 18, 2021

Are you an entrepreneur who struggles to finish everything?

Are you an employee whose career is stuck in neutral?

Are you looking to become more efficient and organized?

Would you like to get more done in less time?

Mastering Excel could be the solution!

Imagine taking minutes to complete what used to take you hours. Picture what you could do with five extra hours a week. What if you never had to worry about layoffs, because your skills made you too valuable for your company to lose?

I want to rock Excel
and get my free Expense Tracker

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

Enjoy Five Boosts? Please consider buying me a coffee.

I work hard reviewing hundreds of articles a week to find five that contain the best advice on easy ways to improve your life.

As well as writing the posts for Self Helping Yourself, and Rockstar Excel.

If you can’t donate, you can always help by subscribing, recommending Five Boosts, Self Helping Yourself, or any articles to your friends, or by rating/reviewing The Weight Loss Habit on Amazon. (If you’ve read it.)

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Take Control of Your Life: Five Boosts 1/19/21

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Take Control of Your Life: Five Boosts 1/19/21
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 1/19/21

This week’s boosts are about taking control over your own life.

Last week was the first time in nearly a year that I missed writing a regularly scheduled post for Self-Helping Yourself.

Part of controlling your own life is replacing the phrase “I don’t have time for…” with “I have chosen not to prioritize…”

That’s what happened last week. I’ve been busy launching a new business, and focused my time on that.

I’ll tell you more about my new business after the boosts.

5 Simple Behaviors You Can Start Today to Make People Respect You More

(Anthony Moore | Ladders | 1375 words)

Respect comes from taking ownership over yourself, which you choose to do.

  1. Show your mind can be changed.
  2. Invest time and money in your future.
  3. Admit when you don’t know something.
  4. Take responsibility for choices and actions.
  5. Don’t share other people’s secrets.

5 Habits to Combat Loneliness

(Gretchen Rubin | 600 words)

Loneliness stems from how you relate to other people. Only you can take actions to fix it.

  1. Nurture others.
  2. Connect with others.
  3. Get better sleep.
  4. Stay open.
  5. Ask what’s missing in your life.

For a Happier Healthier 2021, Ditch These 6 Habits

(Karen Nimmo | On the Couch | 900 words)

Your actions and mindset determine your happiness. These are things you control.

To be happier, avoid:

  1. Complaining into the void.
  2. Waiting for someone to give you a break.
  3. Trying too hard to do the right thing.
  4. Looking over your shoulder.
  5. Eroding your health.
  6. Chaining yourself to the safe road.

I found this on Tuseet Jha’s Happier Today newsletter.

Related: 7 Ways to Make 2021 a Year of Growth and Joy

How to Brighten Your Morning (And Whole Day): 7 Powerful Habits

(Henrik Edberg | Positivity Blog | 975 words)

The habits you build are how you live your life.

Habits to start the day with positivity make your life happier.

Give yourself reminders to be positive.

Compliment people.

Take in positive information, and avoid negative information.

Do the right thing.

Blaming Your Circumstances Makes You a Loser Part 1 and Part 2

(Jens Boje | MindfulDevMag | 1250 words)

Ignore the title of this piece – insults aren’t helpful. But the content is excellent.

Blaming circumstances for your problems makes your life worse.

Focusing on what you can do to improve your situation makes your life better.

If your circumstances seem overwhelming, focus on one small thing you can do, and build from there.

Related: Optimism and Pessimism are Self-Fulfilling

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Excel: Beginner to Rockstar

As I mentioned in the intro, I’m launching a new business.

Before switching to Self-Improvement and Weight Loss, I spent 20 years in Accounting and Finance for start-ups, rising to the level of CFO. Now I’m putting my expertise to use teaching Excel.

Could winning at Excel win your next job?

Or save you hundreds of hours as an entrepreneur?

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to increase your Excel skills 100% or more in four weeks. You’ll be able to get twice as much done in half the time, amaze your boss and potential employers, and enjoy unparalleled job security.

Rockstar Excel Presents

Excel: Beginner to Rockstar Course

Starting March 18, 2021

Are you an entrepreneur who struggles to finish everything?

Are you an employee whose career is stuck in neutral?

Are you looking to become more efficient and organized?

Would you like to get more done in less time?

Mastering Excel could be the solution!

Imagine taking minutes to complete what used to take you hours. Picture what you could do with five extra hours a week. What if you never had to worry about layoffs, because your skills made you too valuable for your company to lose?

I want to rock Excel
and get my free Expense Tracker

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

Enjoy Five Boosts? Please consider buying me a coffee.

I work hard reviewing hundreds of articles a week to find five that contain the best advice on easy ways to improve your life.

As well as writing the posts for Self Helping Yourself, and Rockstar Excel.

If you can’t donate, you can always help by subscribing, recommending Five Boosts, Self Helping Yourself, or any articles to your friends, or by rating/reviewing The Weight Loss Habit on Amazon. (If you’ve read it.)

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Five Boosts to Rock Your 2021 – 1/5/21

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Five Boosts to Rock Your 2021 – 1/5/21
Photo by nappy from Pexels

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 1/5/21

7 Ways to Make 2021 a Year of Growth and Joy

(Steven Ray Marks | Self-Helping Yourself | 1050 words)

Growth and joy come from attitudes and choices, not circumstances.

Keep a positive attitude, instead of complaining.

Be content with what you can’t change, and take action on what you can change.

Form plans, but be ready to adapt.

Maintain connections with friends and communities.

Related: Optimism and Pessimism are Self-Fulfilling

How to Master an Important Habit in 2021

(Gretchen Rubin | 1075 words)

Habits are the foundation of how we live.

Every person is different. There’s no one-size-fits-all method of habit change.

To find what works for you, learn from your past successes.

6 Unconventional Ways to Build Focus, Resilience, and Calm in 2021

(Jory MacKay | RescueTime | 2650 words)

Focus and resilience are necessary for happiness and achieving goals. These skills can be developed.

Become indifferent to things you can’t change. Deprioritize stressful things that don’t help you.

Rebuild passion and curiosity.

Experiment with working habits. If working remotely, match your internal clock to your workday. Create boundaries on work.

The Future Belongs to the Focused: These 7 Unconventional Tips Can Help

(Michael Thompson | Ladders | 1425 words)

This is the same topic as the last article, but has different suggestions.

It’s worth considering multiple perspectives to find what works for you.

Focus on doing your best for 5 minutes at a time.

Save your worst work task until last.

Keep a “worry” journal.

Related: 10 Things to Do When Feeling Overwhelmed

10 Personal Finance Tips That Changed My Life

(The Millennial Money Woman | 2775 words)

Money is a topic many are afraid of. But having finances in order makes life easier.

The Millennial Money Woman explains how to cut spending, invest the right way, avoid bad debt, set monetary goals, and adopt a growth mindset.

Related: Interview With The Millennial Money Woman

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

Enjoy Five Boosts? Please consider buying me a coffee.

I work hard reviewing hundreds of articles a week to find five that contain the best advice on easy ways to improve your life.

As well as writing the posts for Self Helping Yourself, and Rockstar Excel.

If you can’t donate, you can always help by subscribing, recommending Five Boosts, Self Helping Yourself, or any articles to your friends, or by rating/reviewing The Weight Loss Habit on Amazon. (If you’ve read it.)

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Five Boosts 12/8/20 – Laziness for a Better Life

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Five Boosts 12/8/20 – Laziness for a Better Life
Image by AnnemarieDeloo from Pixabay

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 12/8/20

Take Control Over Your Own Life With Two Phrases

(Steven Ray Marks | Self-Helping Yourself | 975 words)

Whether you believe you have control over your life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You can build the mindset of controlling your life by changing two common phrases:

Instead of saying “I have to” say “I get to” or “I choose to.”

Instead of saying “I don’t have time for,” say “I have chosen not to prioritize.”

Remind yourself that your choices are your choices.

3 Habits for Creating a Better Work-Life Balance

(Thomas J Frank | 1975 words)

Picture your time/energy as four burners on a stove, representing work, health, relationship, and hobbies. The brighter one flame burns, the less gas available for the others.

To set the burners to the balance you want:

  • Create obligations
  • Remind yourself of what makes you happy
  • When you work, work with intensity

I found this article in Brandon Zhang’s newsletter.

What to do When You Have Too Many Ideas and Not Enough Time

(James Clear | 675 words)

Ideas are like rosebuds. They have potential to flourish into something wonderful, given time and energy.

However our time and energy are limited. If we try to pour them into all our good ideas, then none will succeed.

Like with a rose bush, we must prune ideas that are good but not great, so our best ideas have room to reach their potential.

The Benefits of Laziness

(Anne-Laure Le Cunff | Ness Labs | 1225 words)

Self-help gurus tell us to have contempt for the lazy. But laziness is often better than being busy for the sake of business.

  • Lazy solutions can be clever.
  • Lazy time allows the brain to think of less-obvious solutions.
  • Laziness allows the body and mind to recharge, manage stress, and avoid burnout.

40 One-Sentence Communication Tips

(Josh Spector | 525 words)

Reading this will help you write, speak, and express ideas better.

Some top ones:

  • The main character in any story is the person you tell it to.
  • The point of an argument isn’t to win.
  • Before you tell someone they’re wrong, tell them they might be right.
  • The more interested you are, the more interesting you’ll be.
  • It’s easy to win over a room that believes you have their best interests at heart.

I highly recommend Josh Spector’s For The Interested newsletter.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

Enjoy Five Boosts? Please consider buying me a coffee.

I work hard reviewing hundreds of articles a week to find five that contain the best advice on easy ways to improve your life.

As well as writing the posts for Self Helping Yourself, and Rockstar Excel.

If you can’t donate, you can always help by subscribing, recommending Five Boosts, Self Helping Yourself, or any articles to your friends, or by rating/reviewing The Weight Loss Habit on Amazon. (If you’ve read it.)

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Five Boosts 11/24/20 – Change Minds and Get Beter

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Five Boosts 11/24/20 – Change Minds and Get Beter
Anger and hate - Fist punching through glass

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 11/24/20

Anger and Hate Hurt You More Than The Target of Your Rage – But You Don’t Have to Feel Them

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 1075 words)

Anger and hatred consume your thoughts, mindset, and soul, while doing nothing to improve the world or change those you’re angry at/hate.

To feel anger and hatred less, and take ownership over your own happiness:

  • Minimize exposure to triggers
  • Build the mindset that anger is a choice
  • Stop complaining to break the anger habit

How to Get Better

(Mark Manson | 1425 Words)

Therapy helps because talking over problems separates negative thoughts and feelings from your sense of self, changing unhappiness from the subject to the object.

The same is true of journaling and meditation, which is why they’re effective as well.

Be Specific

(Josh Spector | For The Interested | 725 words)

Specificity forces you to be clear, focused, and unique. Your life will be better if you’re more specific about:

  • Goals
  • Audience
  • Communication
  • Requests
  • Success

Change Someone’s Mind: 6 Secrets From Research

(Eric Barker | Bakadesuyo | 3375 words)

To change someone’s mind, you need to get them to change their own mind. Be a respectful partner, not an adversary.

Ask why they believe their beliefs with genuine curiosity, not to find “gotchas” or attack. Ask how certain they are, and to make comparisons on a scale of 1 to 10. What evidence would change their mind?

And be open to learning from them and changing your own mind.

I found this article in Josh Spector’s For The Interested newsletter. (Josh Spector also wrote the “Be Specific” article above.)

Related: How to Win Allies and How to Stop Making Enemies

The Mistake Smart People Make: Being in Motion vs. Taking Action

(James Clear | 925 words)

Motion is planning and research. Action is doing and creating things.

Sometimes you need to plan and research. But you’ll never accomplish anything without action.

Often people get stuck on motion, thinking it’s productive when really they’re procrastinating.

Set a schedule or hard deadline to take action.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

Enjoy Five Boosts? Please consider buying me a coffee.

I work hard reviewing hundreds of articles a week to find the five that contain the best actionable advice on easy ways to improve your life.

As well as writing the posts for Self Helping Yourself, and now Rockstar Excel.

If you can’t donate, you can always help out by subscribing, recommending Five Boosts, Self Helping Yourself, or any articles to your friends, or by rating/reviewing The Weight Loss Habit on Amazon. (If you’ve read it.)

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Five Boosts 11/17/20 – Good Habits For Productive Days

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Five Boosts 11/17/20 – Good Habits For Productive Days

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 11/17/20

7 Easy Strategies for Overcoming Seasonal Affective Disorder

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 825 words)

Like a lot of people, I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Often advice for coping with SAD is exceptionally difficult to do for anyone suffering from it.

You aren’t going to exercise and do yoga when you can barely get out of bed.

Here are some easy suggestions, such as:

  • Assign a name to your SAD
  • Use a light-therapy box
  • Avoid windows at dusk

How to Network When You’re Painfully Shy

(Anouare Abdou | The Ladders | 1175 words)

Networking is important for a lot of careers, but a lot of people struggle with it. To get better:

  • Make a “win list” to boost your confidence
  • Prepare conversation starters and responses
  • Turn it into a game
  • Practice by talking to yourself
  • Be a good listener

I’d add: Don’t go into networking with the mindset “What can these people do for me?” Instead, focus on forming genuine connections, and “What can I do for them?”

14 Things My Highly Productive Friends Have Given Up

(Tim Denning | The Ascent on Medium | 1450 words)

Being more productive doesn’t always mean being a superachiever with infinite energy.

Sometimes it means eliminating things. Such as:

  • Automatically agreeing to give others your time
  • Overworking
  • Listening to ‘preachers of chaos’
  • Having too many goals
  • Being an a–hole

13 Evening Routine Habits to Perfectly End Your Day

(Connie Stemmle | Developing Good Habits | 2875 words)

A good evening routine sets the stage for a productive morning.

Suggestions include:

  • Establish a ‘shut down’ ritual
  • Plan for the next day
  • Spend time with your family
  • Practice something you enjoy
  • Reflect

How to Make Good Habits Stick

(Barrie Davenport | Live Bold and Bloom | 2275 words)

The way to make lasting change is through habits. But how do you build and maintain habits?

  • Start ridiculously small
  • Begin with one habit at a time
  • Have clear intentions
  • Celebrate small Wins
  • Change your mindset

#Self-PromotionThese ideas are similar to the philosophy toward weight loss laid out in my book The Weight Loss Habit. If you enjoy this article, you might want to check out the book.

Bonus Boost

Understanding Serving Size

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 550 words)

It can be difficult to know how much you’re eating if the amount doesn’t match up to what the manufacturer lists as a serving size.

Sometimes the labels are intentionally confusing, but even when they aren’t, it can be hard to judge.

Here I walk you through a simple method to figure this out.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

Enjoy Five Boosts? Please consider buying me a coffee.

I work hard reviewing hundreds of articles a week to find the five that contain the best actionable advice on easy ways to improve your life.

As well as writing the posts for Self Helping Yourself, and now Rockstar Excel.

If you can’t donate, you can always help out by subscribing, recommending Five Boosts, Self Helping Yourself, or any articles to your friends, or by rating/reviewing The Weight Loss Habit on Amazon. (If you’ve read it.)

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Hedonism, Civility, And Useless Days: Five Boosts 8/9/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Hedonism, Civility, And Useless Days: Five Boosts 8/9/20

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 8/9/20

15 Things to Do When You Have No Idea What to Do

(Barrie Davenport | Live Bold and Bloom | 1900 words | Subscribe )

What to do when you just can’t seem to kick your brain into gear. Suggestions include:

  • Do mindless tasks
  • Try meditation
  • Help someone else
  • Take the logical first step
  • Do nothing and take the day off

Related: Disembarking From the Failboat

In Defense of Hedonism

(Kyle Shnitzer | The Ladders | 350 words)

Hedonism gets a bad rap.

But a big part of happiness is the ability to take time to just enjoy yourself, without being distracted by worries over long-term goals.

Obviously focusing on long-term goals and enjoying yourself are also important. But you should have a balance.

10 Incredibly Easy Ways to Improve Your Health

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 2050 words)

Ten ways to lose weight and be healthier that take no effort or willpower, and minimal to no time. Including:

  • Switch to diet soda.
  • Use smaller plates.
  • Look up how many calories are in your favorite dishes at restaurants.
  • Buy your own exercise equipment instead of going to the gym.
  • Use chopsticks when eating chips.

Turning Violent Disagreements Into Civil Discourse

(Michael Hyatt | Michael Hyatt & Co. | 575 words)

We live in polarized times, where screaming and hate have replaced civil discourse.

Here are some excellent suggestions on how to better communicate with people that disagree with you:

  • Begin where you agree.
  • Keep an open mind.
  • Get your facts straight.
  • Be willing to state your view but with humility.

I especially like that this article gives no indications of the author’s own political views. That’s how it should be, since this advice applies to people of all beliefs.

If you like this piece, I suggest you check out the organization Braver Angels, which is dedicated to political tolerance and depolarization.

Related: How to Win Allies

7 Small Habits That Will Steal Your Happiness

(Henrik Edberg | Positivity Blog | 1625 words | Subscribe)

To be happier, stop doing these things:

  1. Immersing yourself in negative voices.
  2. Waiting for just the right time.
  3. Letting criticism get under your skin.
  4. Focusing on envy, powerlessness, and the wrong people.
  5. Not allowing yourself peace and rest.
  6. Never trying anything new.
  7. Taking things too seriously.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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Fear, Investing, And Impostors – Five Boosts 8/2/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Fear, Investing, And Impostors – Five Boosts 8/2/20

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 8/2/20

The Incredibly Simple, One Sentence Guide to Investing

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 1700 words)

The one sentence is:

“Once you’ve paid off all your credit card debt, invest as much as you can in your 401k, and park your money in an index fund without paying any attention to the market.”

That’s all you need to know about investing.

Anything more complicated will give you worse results.

The article gives more detail on why this is the case, what an index fund is, and how to pick which index fund, so it’s definitely worth reading. (If I do say so myself. 😉)

21 Ways to Overcome Impostor Syndrome

(Kyle Eschenroeder | Startup Bros. | 3100 Words)

Impostor Syndrome is the feeling that you’re not qualified to be doing your job, and that everyone will realize you’re a fraud. It’s shockingly common, even among elites and experts.

It’s hard to summarize this lengthy article, because each of the 21 diverse suggestions will resonate with different people.

But if this is something you ever suffer from, or you ever haven’t pursued something you wanted because you thought you weren’t qualified, I highly recommend reading this.

I found this article in For the Interested, which gives advice mainly directed toward online creators, but is useful for everyone.

Optimism 2020: A Manifesto

(Trevor McKendrick | How It Actually Works | 450 Words | Subscribe)

Fifteen suggestions on being more optimistic, including:

  • Focus on things you can influence.
  • Do something today instead of daydreaming about tomorrow.
  • Move fast. Most decisions can be reversed later.
  • Recognize the pie is not fixed and life is not zero sum.
  • Believe we can solve any problem.

6 Strategies to Overcome Fear

(Henrik Edberg | Positivity Blog | 1400 Words | Subscribe)

  1. Ask what’s the worst that can happen.
  2. Write out the fear.
  3. Change your perspective.
  4. Question your fears and what they’re based on.
  5. Breathe and take a moment to accept the fear.
  6. Take small steps forward.

How to Change Your Personality For the Better

(Olga Khazan | Next Big Idea Club | 600 Words | Subscribe)

Most people assume that their personality is fixed.

But you actually can change your personality if you want.

All you have to do is act the way you want your personality to be, and eventually your personality will change to follow your actions.

I found this in Nir Eyal’s Nir and Far newsletter.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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Giraffe Punching, Apologies, and Goals – Five Boosts 7/26/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Giraffe Punching, Apologies, and Goals – Five Boosts 7/26/20
Giraffe Punching

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 7/26/20

Stop Giraffe Punching to Be More Tolerant, Less Stressed, Have a Better Outlook, and Be Happier Overall

(Self Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks)

Giraffe Punching is repeatedly lecturing an audience that already agrees with you, or telling them to stop doing something none of them are doing, in a condescending and insulting way.

The term comes from it being pointless to yell at people to stop punching giraffes.

This is something that everyone does, when they get frustrated by bad behavior in the world and then take it out on the wrong people.

But making a conscious effort to stop will make you happier, improve your relationships, and improve your perspective on the world.

How to Talk to People Who Disagree With You and Still Be Kind

(Tanya Basu | MIT Technology Review)

I changed the headline of this article.

It’s actually about talking to conspiracy theorists, but it’s excellent advice for talking to anyone who disagrees with you.

Speak respectfully, privately, and test the waters first.

Find an element you agree on.

Use a “truth sandwich” or Socratic method.

Be careful with loved ones, remember that some people don’t want to change, and if it gets bad, stop.

And remember that even if you don’t change someone’s mind, every pleasant interaction you have makes people more open to your view. (Though unpleasant interactions make them even more skeptical of your view.)

See also: How to Win Allies and How to Stop Making Enemies.

How Good Apologies Enhance Our Well-Being

(Molly Howes, Ph.D. | Mind Body Green)

Being more willing to genuinely apologize after wronging someone will lead to better relationships and increased self-respect.

It also provides a good example for children, helping them develop a sense of empathy.

A good apology involves understanding the other person’s injury, articulating sincere regret, making reparations, and making a plan so it doesn’t happen again.

25 Ways to Dramatically Increase Your Chances of Reaching Your Goals

(Ayodeji Awosika | Medium)

Some suggestions include:

Write your goals down. Get quick wins. Don’t brag about things you haven’t yet done. Focus on one thing at a time. And align goals with positivity.

I agree with most of the 25 items on this list, but not all of them. I suspect Awosika would be totally fine with that, since one of the items is “Don’t be a self-help robot.”

So pick and choose the suggestions that you think will work well for you.

5 Habits to Take Action Every Day

Henrik Edberg | Positivity Blog | Subscribe)

Change requires consistent daily action. But it can be hard to maintain motivation to keep that action going.

To fight this:

1. Focus on the process rather than results.

2. Remember why you are taking action.

3. Remember quitting or laziness will make you feel bad about yourself.

4. Take smaller steps on days when big ones seem too daunting.

5. Celebrate what you did each day.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

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Win Allies, be More Persuasive, and Get the Most Important Things Done – Five Boosts 6/14/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Win Allies, be More Persuasive, and Get the Most Important Things Done – Five Boosts 6/14/20
Win Allies

Five easy ways to make your life better for June 14, 2020.

How to Win Allies (Part 1 of 2)
(Self Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks)
It’s better to win allies than create enemies. We ought to view discussions with those who have different views as an opportunity to learn and/or persuade. But most use it to try to score points in an imaginary game of “Who’s the Worse Person,” which only turns people into enemies. Here’s how to win people over instead.

Stop Confusing Habits For Routines
(Nir and Far | Nir Eyal)
A routine is something you do regularly. A habit is something you do automatically. If a routine is unpleasant, difficult, or cognitively demanding, it may never become a habit. Expecting a routine that fits into this category to eventually become a habit will only lead to frustration.

How to get Your Most Important Work Done Today
(Medium/For The Interested | Josh Spector) [soft paywall*]
Pick what matters most, do it first, make it painful to not do it, make a list of things you won’t do, and treat the morning and afternoon like separate days.

Four Words to Make You More Persuasive
(Ladders | Michael Thompson)
Adding, “You will probably refuse” to a request makes people much more likely to agree. It piques their curiosity, and makes them more comfortable by establishing that there’s no pressure.

Five Lessons to Remember When Lockdown Ends
(Greater Good | Jill Suttie)
Being with others is key to happiness. Reducing stress is good for everyone. Showing gratitude matters. We need less stuff than we think. We are stronger when we act together.

[* Medium lets you read a limited number of articles per month, but you can always open the link in an incognito window.]

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Some of the best ways to feel happier:
– Be kind, friendly, and genuine, whether or not people “deserve” it.
– Acts of charity.
– Believe in self-efficacy.
– Avoid negativity.
– Celebrate achievements/forgive mistakes, for you/others.
– Recognize the positive in the world.
– Forge connections and community

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