Tag: Happiness

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Giraffe Punching, Apologies, and Goals – Five Boosts 7/26/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Giraffe Punching, Apologies, and Goals – Five Boosts 7/26/20
Giraffe Punching

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 7/26/20

Stop Giraffe Punching to Be More Tolerant, Less Stressed, Have a Better Outlook, and Be Happier Overall

(Self Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks)

Giraffe Punching is repeatedly lecturing an audience that already agrees with you, or telling them to stop doing something none of them are doing, in a condescending and insulting way.

The term comes from it being pointless to yell at people to stop punching giraffes.

This is something that everyone does, when they get frustrated by bad behavior in the world and then take it out on the wrong people.

But making a conscious effort to stop will make you happier, improve your relationships, and improve your perspective on the world.

How to Talk to People Who Disagree With You and Still Be Kind

(Tanya Basu | MIT Technology Review)

I changed the headline of this article.

It’s actually about talking to conspiracy theorists, but it’s excellent advice for talking to anyone who disagrees with you.

Speak respectfully, privately, and test the waters first.

Find an element you agree on.

Use a “truth sandwich” or Socratic method.

Be careful with loved ones, remember that some people don’t want to change, and if it gets bad, stop.

And remember that even if you don’t change someone’s mind, every pleasant interaction you have makes people more open to your view. (Though unpleasant interactions make them even more skeptical of your view.)

See also: How to Win Allies and How to Stop Making Enemies.

How Good Apologies Enhance Our Well-Being

(Molly Howes, Ph.D. | Mind Body Green)

Being more willing to genuinely apologize after wronging someone will lead to better relationships and increased self-respect.

It also provides a good example for children, helping them develop a sense of empathy.

A good apology involves understanding the other person’s injury, articulating sincere regret, making reparations, and making a plan so it doesn’t happen again.

25 Ways to Dramatically Increase Your Chances of Reaching Your Goals

(Ayodeji Awosika | Medium)

Some suggestions include:

Write your goals down. Get quick wins. Don’t brag about things you haven’t yet done. Focus on one thing at a time. And align goals with positivity.

I agree with most of the 25 items on this list, but not all of them. I suspect Awosika would be totally fine with that, since one of the items is “Don’t be a self-help robot.”

So pick and choose the suggestions that you think will work well for you.

5 Habits to Take Action Every Day

Henrik Edberg | Positivity Blog | Subscribe)

Change requires consistent daily action. But it can be hard to maintain motivation to keep that action going.

To fight this:

1. Focus on the process rather than results.

2. Remember why you are taking action.

3. Remember quitting or laziness will make you feel bad about yourself.

4. Take smaller steps on days when big ones seem too daunting.

5. Celebrate what you did each day.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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Memory, Perfectionism, and Gratitude – Five Boosts 7/19/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Memory, Perfectionism, and Gratitude – Five Boosts 7/19/20
Splotchy Brain

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 7/19/20

Accepting Your Memory is Unreliable Will Make You Happier
(Self Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks)
Humans have unreliable memories. Since you’re a human, that means you shouldn’t have confidence in your own memories. But realizing this can make you much happier, by increasing your willingness to compromise, forgive, and grow as a person.

Take Back Five Minutes of Your Day With the 5-Minute Challenge
(joshspector.com | Josh Spector | Subscribe)
Pick one thing to do for five minutes a day. Set a timer, and don’t allow any distractions, and don’t stop early. You’ll be amazed how much you get done in those five minutes, and how many ideas you come up with for whatever it is you’re doing.

I’m a huge fan of Josh Spector, and I highly recommend his For The Interested newsletter.

How to Overcome Perfectionism: 6 Powerful Habits
(Positivity Blog | Henrik Edberg | Subscribe)
Perfectionism holds you back, by preventing you from ever completing things. To stop it:
1. Go for “good enough.”
2. Realize you hurt yourself and those around you by buying into myths of perfection.
3. Accept you’re human, like everyone else.
4. Compare yourself to yourself.
5. Do what you think is the right thing.
6. Shape an environment of human standards.

Related: Perfectionism Paralysis Can Be Beaten By Half-Assing It

The Surprising Benefits of Unconditional Positive Regard
(Nir and Far | Nir Eyal | Subscribe)
Unconditional Positive Regard is when you offer someone support, empathy, and compassion, and refrain from judgment, even when they’ve done something wrong. It still acknowledges any sort of bad behavior, but makes clear that we care about the person even if we don’t approve of the behavior. You might say something like “You must feel awful,” or “We all make mistakes.”

Adopting this attitude toward those you’re trying to train, those you care about, and yourself will result in more happiness and better performance.

67 Mood Enhancing Gratitude Affirmations
(Live Bold Bloom | Barrie Davenport | Subscribe)
Practicing gratitude, especially through a gratitude journal, is one of the easiest ways to increase your happiness. But many people who are unhappy or depressed struggle finding things to be grateful for. Here are 67 suggestions to help you.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Being kind and polite to people, whether or not they “deserve it,” will only make you happier and your life better.

It will make the world a little bit better as well.

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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Be Happier and More Productive – Five Boosts 7/12/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Be Happier and More Productive – Five Boosts 7/12/20

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 7/12/20

Sometimes Good Advice Isn’t Good For You
(Self Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks)
There’s a lot of great advice you can find in the world. But every individual is different. Sometimes strategies that work for most people just aren’t right for you. You should still be open to trying advice, but you need to use self-observation to understand how it’s working for you in particular.

Volunteering Can Improve Your Mental Health
(Elizabeth Hopper | Greater Good Magazine)
Volunteering is a great way to make yourself happier. It gives you a warm glow directly. And it also has indirect effects to make your life better. It can give you a sense of community. And it can help build your professional and leadership skills. And many charities are offering ways to volunteer online during the COVID crisis.

Avoid “Bikeshedding” to Increase Your Productivity
(Melina Parker | Inc.)
“Bikeshedding” is when you spend way too long worrying about a minor detail, which keeps you from moving forward on your larger project. It’s something we all do, and keeps us from being as productive as we could be. To avoid it, ask yourself: 1. Will this decision matter five months from now? 2. What is the consequence if I choose “wrong.” 3. Is this problem helping me reach my big goal or distracting from it?

Get Your Career (And Life) Back on Track After a Disruption
(May Busch | maybusch.com)
When your life is disrupted – which let’s face it, describes most of us right now – it can be hard to get back on track. A good way to start is: 1. Take stock. 2. Go for small wins. 3. Focus where it matters.

Related: Disembarking from the Failboat

Five Ways Your Pessimism is Destroying Your Happiness, Career, and Relationships
(Holly Riordan | Thought Catalog | Scroll to end of article to subscribe)
1. You assume you won’t succeed so you don’t try. 2. You focus on negatives in others. 3. You stress out over things that haven’t happened. 4. You come across as a downer. 5. You psych yourself out and dread events that should be exciting. A personal note on this: While I’m generally optimistic, I often struggle with #3. I’ve developed a mantra, “Don’t get upset about imaginary things.”

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

There will always be people better off than you, and there will always be people who have it worse than you.

Comparisons to others shouldn’t stop you from taking the steps you need to live your best life.

And you certainly shouldn’t let comparisons shame you for your feelings.

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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Help People, Be Productive, and Avoid Outrage – Five Boosts 6/28/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Help People, Be Productive, and Avoid Outrage – Five Boosts 6/28/20
Feeling Overwhelmed Tangibly Improve the World

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 6/28/20

Feeling Overwhelmed? Try Tangibly Improving The World
(Self Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks)
There’s a lot about the world that can feel overwhelming, and a lot of problems that we as individuals can’t effectively solve. Instead of being frustrated and depressed about this, the best way to respond is to improve a specific individual’s life in a tangible way you can see. This will make you feel better, and will make the world better as well.

My Most Productive Days are a Result of These Five Choices
(For the Interested | Josh Spector | Subscribe)
1. Do the most important thing first. 2. Say no to one unimportant thing every day. 3. Keep a running list of questions you’re curious about, so you know what to ask when you meet experts. 4. Make a specific schedule of how much time to work each day. 5. End your day with something on your to-do list that you’ve been avoiding.

For The Interested is probably my favorite weekly newsletter, especially if you’re any sort of creator, and I highly recommend subscribing.

Taking a Daily Walk Will Make You Much Happier
(Ladders | Kyle Schnitzer)
Diversity of experiences is a big factor in our happiness. With the recent COVID resurgence, it seems like we’ll be stuck at home for a while longer. An easy way to shake things up and get off the couch is to simply take a daily walk around your neighborhood. Try to take a different path and observe new things each time you do. It will make you a lot happier than staring at the walls of your house.

The Danger of Outrage Narratives
(How It Actually Works | Trevor McKendrick | Subscribe)
Whenever you see something outrage-inducing on the internet, you’re almost certainly not getting the full story. You’re seeing a highly skewed narrative from one side. There’s missing context. You aren’t in the heads of the people involved, and you don’t know their thought process. Nobody wakes up in the morning saying, “Muhaha, I’m going to be evil today!” If you were to take the time to fully research the situation, you’d find that everyone involved was acting a lot more reasonably than it seemed at first glance. But of course, you don’t have the time and energy to spend hours researching every angry tweet you ever see. So you’re better off simply ignoring them.

I’m always a fan of ways to reduce your hate and anger, and ways to be happier by not doing something instead of doing something, so I love this advice.

Hate Exercise? Try This Zero Minute Workout Instead
(Considerable | Stephanie Thurrott)
Exercise is important for health. But if you’re older and haven’t built the habit of taking time out of your day to exercise by now, you probably aren’t going to. An alternative is to incorporate exercise into activities you’re already doing, so it doesn’t cost you any time. Do things like carrying groceries, playing with your kids/grandkids/pets, walking up stairs, or cleaning in a way that is physically active and raises your heart rate.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Impostor syndrome can sap our mental health. If your bosses/clients are praising your work, that’s all the proof you need that you *are* good at it, and you deserve your success. Remind yourself of this, and tell your inner critic and doubts to take a hike.

Follow Self Helping Yourself on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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Be Happier and Don’t Make Enemies – Five Boosts 6-21-20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Be Happier and Don’t Make Enemies – Five Boosts 6-21-20
Don't Make Enemies

Five easy ways to make your life better for June 21, 2020

How to Stop the Spread of Social Media Garbage
(Self Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks)
We all lament the spread of fake news, misinformation, and social media hate. But we tend to think of it as other people’s fault. In reality, it’s all of our faults, and it’s up to each of us as individuals to take responsibility for our own behavior and stop it. Here are tips on how to do so.

How to Stop Making Enemies
(Self Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks)
When trying to improve the world, people have a tendency to get overzealous and alienate others, doing their cause more harm than good. Here are tips on avoiding this pitfall. This is the follow-up to last week’s How to Win Allies.

How to Plan Your Day for Peak Performance
(Addicted 2 Success | Lorraine Kipling)
Suggestions on scheduling and when are the best times to do certain types of tasks. While I feel like this article is useful, one caution I’d give is to not feel like you have to slavishly adhere to these rules to the second. Different people will have different chronotypes. See the book When by Dan Pink for more information on this subject.

How to Turn off Political Ads on Facebook
(TechCrunch | Taylor Hatmaker)
Nobody likes seeing political ads. You already know who you’re going to vote for, and whether the ad is for someone on your side or the opposite side, it will just stress you out. Now there’s an option to not see them at all. I’d prefer if there was a way to hide political posts as well, but this is better than nothing.

15 Easy Ways to Be Happier
(SuccessConsciousness | Remez Sasson)
Here are 15 easy habits to build, ways to reframe your thinking, and changes in attitude that can dramatically increase your happiness, with very little effort.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Wishing things were different only brings regret/anger/sadness. If you want things to be different, you need to start by accepting the world as it is, not as you wish it were. And *then* take action to change it.

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Win Allies, be More Persuasive, and Get the Most Important Things Done – Five Boosts 6/14/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Win Allies, be More Persuasive, and Get the Most Important Things Done – Five Boosts 6/14/20
Win Allies

Five easy ways to make your life better for June 14, 2020.

How to Win Allies (Part 1 of 2)
(Self Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks)
It’s better to win allies than create enemies. We ought to view discussions with those who have different views as an opportunity to learn and/or persuade. But most use it to try to score points in an imaginary game of “Who’s the Worse Person,” which only turns people into enemies. Here’s how to win people over instead.

Stop Confusing Habits For Routines
(Nir and Far | Nir Eyal)
A routine is something you do regularly. A habit is something you do automatically. If a routine is unpleasant, difficult, or cognitively demanding, it may never become a habit. Expecting a routine that fits into this category to eventually become a habit will only lead to frustration.

How to get Your Most Important Work Done Today
(Medium/For The Interested | Josh Spector) [soft paywall*]
Pick what matters most, do it first, make it painful to not do it, make a list of things you won’t do, and treat the morning and afternoon like separate days.

Four Words to Make You More Persuasive
(Ladders | Michael Thompson)
Adding, “You will probably refuse” to a request makes people much more likely to agree. It piques their curiosity, and makes them more comfortable by establishing that there’s no pressure.

Five Lessons to Remember When Lockdown Ends
(Greater Good | Jill Suttie)
Being with others is key to happiness. Reducing stress is good for everyone. Showing gratitude matters. We need less stuff than we think. We are stronger when we act together.

[* Medium lets you read a limited number of articles per month, but you can always open the link in an incognito window.]

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Some of the best ways to feel happier:
– Be kind, friendly, and genuine, whether or not people “deserve” it.
– Acts of charity.
– Believe in self-efficacy.
– Avoid negativity.
– Celebrate achievements/forgive mistakes, for you/others.
– Recognize the positive in the world.
– Forge connections and community

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