Tag: Relationships

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Five Boosts 12/15/20 – Loving Failure And Ignorance

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Five Boosts 12/15/20 – Loving Failure And Ignorance
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Before getting to the boosts, I have a favor to ask.

I’m always trying to make Five Boosts more useful.

You can assist by completing this two-minute survey.

I’d truly appreciate it.

And don’t forget to subscribe to get Five Boosts in your inbox every week, as well as your free copy of 24 Ways to Improve Your Life.

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 12/15/20

Interview With the Millennial Money Woman

(Steven Ray Marks & Fiona | Self Helping Yourself | 1875 words)

The Millennial Money Woman (also known as Fiona) is a top personal finance blogger.

She gives easy, actionable advice on getting your money in order:

  • Start saving and investing early
  • Avoid common mistakes
  • Cut spending
  • Leverage opportunities the internet gives

Related: 13 Incredibly Easy Ways to Improve Your Finances

10 Ways to Love Your Partner in a Meaningful Way

(Kimberly Brown | Purpose Fairy | 975 words)

Love is something you actively do. A bit of mindful effort keeps your relationship strong, which makes both you and your partner much happier.

Suggestions include:

  • Talk to each other daily
  • Build them up
  • Flirt
  • Be more give than taking
  • Love yourself

How to Cope With Feelings of Isolation During the Holidays

(Abby Moore | Mind Body Green | 675 words)

The holidays are especially difficult for those with pandemic-related mental health challenges.

I know it’s hard for me – I haven’t seen my mother and sister in nearly a year.

To feel a bit better, make a plan of joyful ways to spend the holiday.

Adapt traditions for quarantine, or create new ones.

Spend time outdoors, or volunteer. Charity is a great way to boost your mood.

Video chat with family. It’s not the real thing, but it’s better than nothing.

Selective Ignorance: Cultivating Intentional Knowledge in a Chaotic World

(Anne-Laure Le Cunff | Ness Labs | 1350 words)

The unlimited knowledge is at our fingertips is both a blessing and a curse.

What knowledge we consume and how we consume it can make us miserable or be a distraction.

Cultivate selective ignorance by limiting information sources that don’t provide value or enjoyment.

How to Overcome Failure and Use it as Motivation

(DJ Jeffries | Addicted 2 Success | 925 words)

Everybody fails sometimes. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Failure is an opportunity to learn and come out of it stronger.

To do this:

  • Understand what went wrong.
  • Look to friends for advice.
  • Listen to constructive feedback.
  • Keep moving forward.
  • Don’t be afraid of failure.

I always say: “If you failed but learned how to do better next time, you haven’t really failed.”

Related: Disembarking From the Failboat

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

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I work hard reviewing hundreds of articles a week to find five that contain the best advice on easy ways to improve your life.

As well as writing the posts for Self Helping Yourself, and Rockstar Excel.

If you can’t donate, you can always help by subscribing, recommending Five Boosts, Self Helping Yourself, or any articles to your friends, or by rating/reviewing The Weight Loss Habit on Amazon. (If you’ve read it.)

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Persuasion, Overwhelm, And Hard Conversations – Five Boosts 11/10/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Persuasion, Overwhelm, And Hard Conversations – Five Boosts 11/10/20

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 11/10/20

10 Things to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 1850 words)

Life can seem overwhelming when you feel like you have more things to do than you’re capable of handling.

I give some strategies for dealing with these situations, based on my experience in fast-paced tech startups, such as:

  • Prioritize and pick one thing
  • Eliminate less important tasks
  • Complete something easy to build momentum
  • Put together a plan
  • Ask if your overwhelm is self-imposed

6 Phrases that Easily Redirect a Tough Conversation

(Steve Adcock | The Ladders | 575 words)

If a conversation goes off the rails and things get heated, calm things down by saying:

  • “I understand what you are saying, but let’s refocus for a minute”
  • “There are plenty of different perspectives here, but remember what we’re talking about.”
  • “I’m not sure I understand enough about that position. Can we talk about [original topic] instead?”
  • “I would rather not discuss politics right now, sorry.”
  • “I remember you saying something about your promotion earlier. How did you get that?”
  • “And speaking of that, did you hear about [mutually interesting topic]?”

3 Simple Ways to Improve Your Mood Right Now

(Henrik Edberg | Positivity Blog | 550 words)

Sometimes you’re just in a bad mood. Some strategies to feel better are:

  • Appreciate what you have
  • Act like you want to feel
  • Give someone a genuine compliment

15 Psychology Tips to Be More Persuasive

(Tanuj Sarva | IYNK | 1875 words)

Some simple strategies to be more convincing.

It’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with these techniques both to use them yourself, and to be aware of when others use them on you.

Some highlights:

  • Explain the reason for your request
  • Compliment the person
  • Talk faster
  • Mirror their speech and action
  • Do them a favor to create an obligation

5 Kinds of People That Make Others Happy and How to Be One of Them

(Leon Collier | Contentment Questing | 1650 words)

Making others happy is one of the best ways to make yourself happy.

Some people are naturals at this, but you can also make a conscious effort. Suggestions include:

  • Send thoughtful emails
  • Plan something nice for your love
  • Listen well

Bonus Boost

Improving Skills to Overcome Impostor Syndrome

(Steven Ray Marks | Rockstar Excel | 575 words)

The story of a time I was thrust into a situation where my only options were to fail or to figure out how to do things better.

And how that experience eventually led to me creating my new site, Rockstar Excel.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

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Money, Change, and Relationships – Five Boosts 11/3/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks 13 Comments on Money, Change, and Relationships – Five Boosts 11/3/20

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 11/3/20

6 Strategies to Never Lose a Job and Have Rapid Career Growth

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 1925 words)

You can quickly get promotions, and avoid ever getting laid off, with these tactics:

  • Fill a vital function, and do a good job of it
  • Bring in or save more money than you cost the company
  • Be a rockstar at something
  • Be the one who understands how things work
  • Be someone people are happy to work with
  • Be a beast who does a massive amount of work

None of these are gimmicks. Ultimately, they come down to adding value to the company. But most of these are strategies that anyone can do with a concerted effort.

7 Cognitive Biases That Make Us Suck at Time-Management

(Becky Kane | Ambition & Balance by Doist | 4175 words)

Humans are irrational in many ways, but being aware of these can help us overcome them.

This is a long article, but well worth reading, as it suggests solutions to some of the most common mistakes we make in how we spend our time:

  • We focus on urgent but unimportant tasks, instead of the tasks that would yield greater rewards.
  • We can’t stop thinking about all the things we need to get done.
  • We underestimate how long it will take to do things.
  • The sunk cost fallacy
  • We overvalue the present and undervalue the future.
  • We get bogged down in complexities instead of taking action.
  • We pursue things that we think will improve our lives, but don’t make us happier.

How to Create a Budget

(The Millennial Money Woman | 4550 words)

A simple, step-by-step process for:

  • Understanding where your money is going
  • Getting your spending under control
  • Creating a plan for your future finances

6 Times When It’s Okay to Call it Quits and Start Over

(January Nelson | Thought Catalog | 500 words)

Your life path isn’t set in stone, and it’s okay to change directions. Some signs you should consider doing so are:

  • You realize you’ve been making yourself miserable
  • You realize this isn’t want you wanted
  • The only reason you haven’t changed directions is that you feel like you aren’t allowed to
  • You spend every day in tears

As someone who walked away from a successful and lucrative Accounting/Finance career because it made me unhappy, this article really resonated with me.

23 of the Best Relationship Goals to Nurture Intimacy

(Barrie Davenport | Live Bold & Bloom | 6000 words)

It’s important to maintain intimacy in a long term relationship.

These are some excellent tips for making sure that a close, loving, intimate relationship lasts for a lifetime, including:

  • Prioritize each other
  • Communicate with kindness
  • Plan for fun together
  • Perform regular acts of thoughtfulness
  • Have daily connection time

Bonus Boost

25 “Healthy” Foods that are Making You Fat

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 2325 words)

There are a lot of foods that are generally thought of as healthy, but contain far more calories than people realize.

It’s easy for people to think they’re doing everything right when it comes to healthy eating, but fail to lose weight because they’re eating way too much of these.

These foods may not be bad for you. But they need to be eaten in moderation, like every other food.

Examples include:

  • Fruit juice
  • Nuts
  • Restaurant salads
  • Avocados
  • Whole grain rice

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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Perseverance, Growth, And Drama – Five Boosts 10/11/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Perseverance, Growth, And Drama – Five Boosts 10/11/20

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 10/11/20

Photo by VisionPic .net from Pexels

Yesterday I was feeling tired and unmotivated, and mentioned to my wife, “I have to work on my newsletter.”

She then corrected me: I don’t have to work on my newsletter. I get to work on my newsletter.

It was a good reminder that the choices we make in life are our own, and I assemble Five Boosts every week because I love it.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to send helpful articles out to my audience, and I appreciate you being there to read it.

How to Stop Being Offended by Everyone (in Just 13 Steps)

(Kelly Albano | Dumb Little Man | 775 words)

Getting offended is a choice that you make. Recognizing that will make your life a lot happier.

If you feel yourself starting to get offended, take some deep breaths, and consider the source. Think about whether they really meant offense.

Try and separate yourself from the situation, and examine why you feel victimized. Send loving energy to where you’re hurt.

Listen to the opposing perspective. Don’t try to change other people. Wait before responding. Focus on positivity.

Remember, getting offended hurts you a lot more than it hurts the person you’re offended by.

Related:This satirical ad for “I’m Offended” t-shirts. (Not an affiliate link, and I don’t think the shirts are still available.)

18 Ways to Make Chores Easier

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 1875 words)

If you can get chores done in less time, that lets you do more of what you really care about. You’re essentially adding time to your life.

Suggestions include:

  • Pull weeds whenever you see them, instead of waiting for them to get worse.
  • Wash a dish when you wash your hands.
  • Keep a stockpile of non-perishable goods so you don’t have to make emergency grocery runs.
  • Use a shared shopping list app that syncs throughout your household (and smart speakers, if you have them), and add things to your shopping list as soon as you think of them.
  • Listen to audiobooks while driving or doing other tasks that don’t take concentration.

10 Things to Do on Days When You Just Want to Give Up

(Henrik Edberg | Positivity Blog | 1550 words)

When things aren’t going well and you’re losing your will, try these methods:

  1. Tap into realistic expectations
  2. Remind yourself why you’re doing this
  3. Remember it’s darkest before the dawn
  4. Reconnect with the basics
  5. Learn more and course-correct
  6. Tell yourself: Just for today!
  7. Connect with people around you to let it out
  8. Look back and celebrate how far you’ve come
  9. Cut yourself some slack and take a break
  10. See if it’s time to quit and try something else

3 (Pretty Simple) Ways to Remove Yourself From Drama

(Courtney Carver | Be More With Less | 600 words)

Drama saps our energy, time, and happiness, but can be addictive. To avoid it:

  1. Be honest with yourself. You’re telling yourself a story, but is it a true story? Seriously ask this, and try to see things from another perspective. Also be honest about your motivations for the drama. Is it boredom, fear of direct communication, or habit?
  2. Be quiet. Drama requires your participation. Not everything requires your input. If you simply stay silent, you won’t be involved in the drama.
  3. Be selective about who you choose to spend your time with, and how you choose to spend your time. Ask if you really want to get involved, if your input will actually help, and if there are better things you could be doing.

15 Ideas You Can Steal to Make the Next 12 Months a Period of Remarkable Growth

(Tim Denning | The Ascent at Medium | 1450 words)

Some of the best suggestions here include:

  • Forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it
  • Take an unconventional online course to learn a new skill
  • Write your thoughts down
  • Notice the story you tell yourself
  • Clear out your junk
  • Be more careful about the books you read

Bonus Boost

Six Easy Ways to Stop Mindless Eating

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 1125 words)

You can avoid mindless eating by:

  1. Never eat straight from a multi-serving package
  2. Use chewing gum
  3. If you’ll be distracted during your meal, prepare your plate ahead of time
  4. Split your food in half immediately
  5. Don’t stand near the food table at parties
  6. Never eat while drunk or on drugs

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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Love, Friendship, and Worries – Five Boosts 10/4/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Love, Friendship, and Worries – Five Boosts 10/4/20

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 10/4/20

Photo by Jack Sparrow from Pexels

How to Make Friends as an Adult

(Marisa Franco | Psyche | 3,250 words)

Having a network of friends is one of the biggest factors in happiness. But making new friends once you leave school is difficult for many people.

To do so, you should first assume that people will like you. Then put in the effort to initiate things and connect with people, rather than just assuming friendships will happen automatically. Get vulnerable with people so you can have meaningful shared emotional experiences.

One less obvious suggestion is to find situations where you will repeatedly interact with people, such as classes, book clubs, co-working spaces, church, or community organizations. It’s easier to make friends with people you see over and over than in one-off situations like a networking event.

16 Incredibly Easy Ways to Be More Organized At Home

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 2,000 words)

Ways to improve your home that take no willpower, minimal cost, and will ultimately save you time and effort.

Highlights include:

  • Make sure every item has a place that it belongs
  • Keep pens, a notepad, knife or box-cutter, scissors, kleenex, and small trash can in every room
  • Use pill organizers
  • Store things with other items that are used together
  • Use painter’s tape to label things
  • Write expiration dates in easy-to-read sharpie

30 Things Men Wish Women Knew in Dating

(January Nelson summarizing a Reddit thread | Thought Catalog | 1,200 words)

The key takeaways from this thread are:

Be straightforward in your communication, don’t play games, and don’t expect a man to be a mind-reader. Also recognize that men are straightforward and mean what they say.

Be willing to make compromises, and let him have his own space, hobbies, time, and friends.

Treat him well and show him he’s loved. Things like affection, gifts, compliments, and initiating intimacy are appreciated.

Don’t expect men to change, and especially don’t think you can change a man.

If you aren’t interested in a man or want to break up, tell him directly and as soon as possible. “Letting him down easy,” giving hints, or “waiting for the right time,” is much crueler.

As a man who’s been happily married for 13 years, I agree with all this advice. (And I think much of it applies to women as well.)

5 Steps to Put and End to Your Worries

(Dr. Tchiki Davis | Relationship Development & Transformation | 625 words)

To worry less:

  1. Explore the origins of your worries.
  2. Identify your particular worry pattern
    • Catastrophizing
    • Minimization
    • All-or-nothing thinking
    • Overgeneralization
    • Negative attention
    • Rumination
    • Mind-reading
  3. Exercise
  4. Try mindfulness
  5. Talk to someone

Improve Your Marriage By Watching Romantic Comedies Together

(Sarah Dillon | The Ladders | 650 words)

Couples that watch a romantic comedy together and then spend half an hour discussing it can reduce their chances of divorce down the line by up to 50%.

It gives them an opportunity to discuss relationship behaviors and mistakes in a non-threatening environment, by looking through the lens of fictional characters. This allows them to understand their partner’s needs and wants, and adjust their own behaviors.

Bonus Boost

Intermittent Fasting is Easy When You Call It Skipping Breakfast

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 625 words)

“Intermittent Fasting” is a popular diet trend, that you may have dismissed as way too hard.

But it’s really a fancy and intimidating name given to the practice of limiting your meals to an eight hour window each day.

Which you can easily do, simply by skipping breakfast.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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Judgment, Relationships, And Goals – Five Boosts 9/27/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Judgment, Relationships, And Goals – Five Boosts 9/27/20

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 9/27/20

Photo by Sara Dubler on Unsplash

3 Helpful Tips to Quiet Your Inner Critic

(Ally Ines | Purpose Fairy | 1,050 words)

Insecurity can paralyze us, keep us from improving our lives, and make everything harder. To combat it:

  1. Give your inner critic a name. An actual person’s name, to help distance yourself from it.
  2. Do something you’ve been putting off. Accomplish some nagging task on your to-do list.
  3. Prepare content for your darkest moments. Gather images, articles, quotes, etc. for you to go to when you’re feeling down or having a freak-out.

12 Incredibly Easy Ways to Save Money on Utilities and Vehicles

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 2,300 words)

It isn’t the most exciting topic. But utilities and vehicles are large recurring expenses, and finding easy ways to save money on them can have a significant impact on our lives.

  1. Replace your HVAC filter every 3 months
  2. Put your e-mail address on your phone’s lock screen
  3. Threaten to cancel your cable if they don’t lower your bill
  4. Buy your own internet equipment instead of renting from your provider
  5. Get a smart thermostat
  6. Get oil changes on the manufacturer’s schedule, not every 3 months
  7. Get referrals to an honest mechanic
  8. Buy slightly used cars, except for economy cars
  9. Buy cars at the end of the year or month
  10. Use TrueCar or Edmunds when buying cars
  11. Get pre-qualified for a bank or credit union loan before car shopping
  12. Never get the extended warranty – on anything

And a final piece of advice, which will help your happiness rather than your bank account:

  1. Don’t get hung up over small amounts of money

10 Steps to Achieve Goals

(Remez Sasson | Success Consciousness | 475 words)
  1. Be specific with what you want to achieve
  2. Draw up a plan of action
  3. Make a list of steps
  4. Act, do not be passive
  5. Read and listen to advice
  6. Alternative plans
  7. Examine your goals periodically
  8. Repeat affirmations
  9. Visualize your goals
  10. Take action

How to Overcome the Fear of Being Judged

(Justin Aldridge | Dumb Little Man | 975 words)

Fear of being judged can hold you back and keep you from going after your goals. To combat this, remember the following:

  1. You’re not that important. People are generally thinking about their own lives, not about you.
  2. You shouldn’t care about the opinions of those who are judging you. If someone’s enough of a jerk to look down on you, that’s someone you probably don’t want in your life anyway.
  3. You can have your dreams or your fear of judgment, but not both. You’ll have to push past the fear to achieve your dreams.

11 Valuable Relationship Lessons

(Summary of Dr. Phil | LoudLife35 | 1,475 words)

A summary of the book Relationship Rescue by “Dr. Phil” McGraw.

As someone who has been very happily married for 13 years (our anniversary is this week), I very much agree with all of the advice in this article.

Note: I haven’t read the book and can only comment on the article summarizing it, not the book as a whole.

  1. There’s nothing wrong with legitimate criticism or input, as long as it’s constructive and not fault-finding
  2. Passive aggression is just as harmful as open aggression
  3. Don’t get too complacent
  4. There’s no right or wrong way to make a relationship great
  5. Accept your partner
  6. Focus on the friendship in your relationship

[Personally, I’d say this is one of the most important aspects of a relationship, and one that’s often overlooked. The person you marry should be your best friend. – SRM]

  1. Aim your frustrations in the right direction
  2. Be up-front and forthright
  3. Make yourself happy rather than right
  4. Allow your relationship to transcend turmoil
  5. Make your needs known

Bonus Boost

Goal Weights Don’t Work

(Steven Ray Marks | Self Helping Yourself | 800 words)

Having a goal weight when dieting is a mistake.

It will lead to you losing weight in the short-term, but then gaining that weight right back (with interest) right after you reach your goal.

Instead, you should focus on building sustainable habits that you’re able to keep for the rest of your life.

Then find a balance between eating habits you’re happy with and a body you’re happy with.

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

I usually use this space to share something thoughtful or inspirational, but this week I’m doing something different.

Here is a thread on thirteen self-help books that offer an immediate improvement to your life.

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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Be Happier and More Productive – Five Boosts 7/12/20

Written by Steven Ray Marks Leave a Comment on Be Happier and More Productive – Five Boosts 7/12/20

Five Easy Ways to Make Your Life Better for 7/12/20

Sometimes Good Advice Isn’t Good For You
(Self Helping Yourself | Steven Ray Marks)
There’s a lot of great advice you can find in the world. But every individual is different. Sometimes strategies that work for most people just aren’t right for you. You should still be open to trying advice, but you need to use self-observation to understand how it’s working for you in particular.

Volunteering Can Improve Your Mental Health
(Elizabeth Hopper | Greater Good Magazine)
Volunteering is a great way to make yourself happier. It gives you a warm glow directly. And it also has indirect effects to make your life better. It can give you a sense of community. And it can help build your professional and leadership skills. And many charities are offering ways to volunteer online during the COVID crisis.

Avoid “Bikeshedding” to Increase Your Productivity
(Melina Parker | Inc.)
“Bikeshedding” is when you spend way too long worrying about a minor detail, which keeps you from moving forward on your larger project. It’s something we all do, and keeps us from being as productive as we could be. To avoid it, ask yourself: 1. Will this decision matter five months from now? 2. What is the consequence if I choose “wrong.” 3. Is this problem helping me reach my big goal or distracting from it?

Get Your Career (And Life) Back on Track After a Disruption
(May Busch | maybusch.com)
When your life is disrupted – which let’s face it, describes most of us right now – it can be hard to get back on track. A good way to start is: 1. Take stock. 2. Go for small wins. 3. Focus where it matters.

Related: Disembarking from the Failboat

Five Ways Your Pessimism is Destroying Your Happiness, Career, and Relationships
(Holly Riordan | Thought Catalog | Scroll to end of article to subscribe)
1. You assume you won’t succeed so you don’t try. 2. You focus on negatives in others. 3. You stress out over things that haven’t happened. 4. You come across as a downer. 5. You psych yourself out and dread events that should be exciting. A personal note on this: While I’m generally optimistic, I often struggle with #3. I’ve developed a mantra, “Don’t get upset about imaginary things.”

Self Helping Yourself Tweet of the Week

There will always be people better off than you, and there will always be people who have it worse than you.

Comparisons to others shouldn’t stop you from taking the steps you need to live your best life.

And you certainly shouldn’t let comparisons shame you for your feelings.

Be sure to follow @YourselfHelping on Twitter.

Enjoy Five Boosts By Self Helping Yourself? Be sure to Subscribe and check out the Self Helping Yourself site.

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